


Lord I'm Dying, Let Me Leave

by I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own



Series: Barduil [8]
Category: The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: ooooopp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-16 14:45:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4629165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own/pseuds/I_have_a_Mycroft_of_my_very_own
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was nothing that could keep him here now.</p><p>Not even Thranduil.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lord I'm Dying, Let Me Leave

**Author's Note:**

> Title and lyrics from Gin Wigmore's Golden Ship.

_Turn the light off me_  
_Take your arms from me_  
 _I don't see any other way_  
 _Close your eyes to me_  
 _Keep my love for me when you go_  
 _Don't make this too hard to say_

They’d argued about this more and more over the last few months. Their arguments getting both more heated and far shorter with each occurrence. Neither of them wanted to discuss it, but Bard knew they must. Bard knew that it was inevitable. Bard needed Thranduil to understand, though he knew Thranduil never would. But he kept pushing, had to. He couldn’t make Thranduil understand, not this, but he could make Thranduil endure, and endure Thranduil would, if Bard had anything to say about it.

There was no longer any other option. Not for them. The only choice left to them was how it would happen, and when. And Bard knew it, even if Thranduil didn’t, even if Thranduil couldn’t. Bard knew it and accepted it, even if Thranduil wouldn’t. This was the difference between mortals and immortals, and it was staring them right in the face.

 _One more day with you_  
_One more hour for you_  
 _I don't see any other way_  
 _And don't you see I'm dyin'_  
 _Does this explain my crying,_  
 _Hoping I will not see another day_

There was nothing more that could be done, not for Bard. There was nothing more to be healed, one way or another he was going to die, and he knew it. All he wanted, all he asked for, was one more day with Thranduil. One more day to make things right between them. All he wanted was one more day. An hour at least, to spend with the love of his life. He’d already said his goodbyes to his children. Had already had things put to rights for Bain to succeed him. All that remained was Thranduil.

And Thranduil wouldn’t stop fighting. Fighting, arguing, and refusing to let them talk of goodbyes. Refusing to let him speak. Thranduil didn’t realize he was trying to fight time, didn’t realize he was trying to fight the most basic of Bard’s make up. Thranduil could not understand how Bard could be so accepting of this, and Bard couldn’t find it in him to blame him. But he needed him to see. Needed him to understand.

There was nothing more that could be done for him. Nothing to save him. These were his last goodbyes, and Thranduil was refusing them.

 _And I need no more healing_  
_For I can't stop the bleeding_  
 _So leave me with this feeling_  
 _Help me find a way out_  
 _A door to keep the pain out_  
 _And I can't bear to stay now_

Bard wanted to say his last goodbyes, and take the medicine that would let him slip into the long painless sleep, but Thranduil fought him at every step of the way. Could not understand the pain Bard endured day in and day out. Did not understand what Bard meant when he said that every breath was a nightmare he wished would end. Bard did not blame him, could not. Thranduil was immortal, it was not his place to understand the trials of mortality. But what Bard needed now, Thranduil could not provide him, and was refusing to allow to be provided for him. Bard need him to understand.

There was nothing that could keep him here now.

Not even Thranduil.

 _Goodbye, goodbye to all of this_  
_I've got this golden ship_  
 _Whose sail can save me_  
 _And tomorrow feels like yesterday_  
 _I cannot live this way, I'm sorry darling_  
 _Goodbye, goodbye my love_

With trembling hands, Bard reached for Thranduil, took hold of his hands and squeezed with what energy he had left. His eyes looking pleadingly into Thranduil’s.

“Love. Stop fighting this. It is happening, with or without your consent.” He said, voice so weak it was almost inaudible. “This is my goodbye, Thranduil. This is the end. I’m sorry, but I can’t do this anymore. The future looks like the past, and it holds no hope for me.”

“Bard-“

“No. I’m talking now.” Bard cut Thranduil off, swallowing thickly and breathing through the pain. “I love you.”

“Bard-“

 _Release your hands from me_  
_So I can leave_  
 _Lastly, I would like to leave with grace_  
 _Today is just too hard_  
 _Too hard for me to stay_

“Goodbye, Thranduil.” He said, his fingers releasing their weak hold on Thranduil, who reached for him. “No, let me go, Thran. I’m sorry.”

“Bard.” Thranduil whispered, his hands clasping Bard’s and squeezing. “Please.”

“I love you.” Bard murmured, his eyes drifting shut. “Goodbye, my love.” He said, and was still, his pain finally at an end.

But Thranduil’s was only just beginning.


End file.
